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Offline Nougatte

Total Posts Last Post Last Seen Joined
605 11/21/09 23:34:46 11/23/09 10:31:46 08/07/03
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06/16/09
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My Female Inspiration

Asia Argento - for her passion and fearlessness...

Waris Dirie - for her toughness and strength...

Mary Renault - for the beauty of her words...

Helena Houdova - for her effort of making the world a better place...

Story of my life: My Pleasure, My Pain


Me and Him. Together. Or well, we used to be. It's almost 7 years ago. My first true love.

We parted ways. I cried. I didn't want to. He wanted to be friends.

From time to time we met - as friends - and my heart was bleeding fiercely because he didn't want me, but I couldn't keep myself from wanting to see Him again. And again.

He played the game. He made me feel like he wanted me back. Obviously, he didn't want to, and he didn't mean it either. He was just being nice. Always super kind. Always super generous. Always super lovely. Always tearing my heart into pieces.

And he had no idea I was still in love with him. I think it hurt him a bit, too, when he found out. For me.

It dawned on me that I was fooling myself, and we stopped communicating at all, except for birthday messages. But my heart was always beating a tiny bit faster when I saw his name on the phone display, and still is.

It's 7 years now. I should be over Him, right? I have a serious boyfriend of 3 years who I love very dearly.

But every time I see Him, it hits me like the first time. My heart yearns to see him and then bleeds, because there's no bloody point in seeing him at all. We're friends. He wants to be friends. I want more.

How can you love two people equally? Or not so equally?

How can you love someone even after so many years?

Will I ever be able to get him out of my heart?

Why?

What is it? Why me? Why HIM? When does it end?

One stupid email and I'm crushed. Again. And again. And again.

Sitting, staring, crying. Hopeless.

I wish I could repeat after Neil Tennant: I get along without you very well... But I don't.

My Occupation

economics student

My Hobbies

creative writing, fashion, pilates, pole dance, music and books

About Me

I'm a passionate, straightforward and impatient Aries gal :)

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  1. avatar

    Rach

    User Infostatus offline206 Kudos

    09/03/09

    Hi sweetheart, how are you doing? I've been away for a while, here and there, travelling and stuff around the country and now I'm slowly getting back into things at work and school that starts mid-September. What about you? Haven't seen you around much lately - but then again I wasn't here that much myself, so I can't really tell :) I hope everything's fine with you. Let me know how are you doing! :)

    Hey you, I also wondered where on earth you had gotten to :) I have also not been on here very frequently... its been a bit all over the show... I come here in bursts it seems. Things are ok, just living each day as it comes and trying to plan a little but not too much, writing is going well, things are ok wondering when the amazing times are coming... the highs are due I think... glad you are ok and still around will catch up with you another time I hope :) x
    Original comment »
  2. avatar

    Rach

    User Infostatus offline206 Kudos

    08/16/09

    I am spreading love to all my dearest friends today... I have been away for a little too long but I had to come and leave you each a message to let you know you are special, not only to me, to everyone you meet and everyone you know and even those you don't... may your tears be dried, your spirits be lifted and your hearts held warmly and your cheeks be caressed and blooming with the surge of love that will sweep over the site... I am so glad that I found you all here, you have each made my life more than I thought it could ever be and that goes for Jonny too. I thank him for leading me to you.

    HUGS and LOVE to you. May we all enjoy our time with Jonny and watch him grow from strength to strength... together.

    08/30/09

    Reply from Nougatte:

    Hi sweetheart, how are you doing? I've been away for a while, here and there, travelling and stuff around the country and now I'm slowly getting back into things at work and school that starts mid-September. What about you? Haven't seen you around much lately - but then again I wasn't here that much myself, so I can't really tell :) I hope everything's fine with you. Let me know how are you doing! :)
  3. avatar

    Rach

    User Infostatus offline206 Kudos

    07/09/09

    Hey hope my post was not upsetting at all, hope you are ok... ? HUG

    07/09/09

    Reply from Nougatte:

    I'm completely ok, it just took me some time to finish my reply :D and eat my dinner, too.
    Thanks! xx
  4. avatar

    Rach

    User Infostatus offline206 Kudos

    07/09/09

    Tudors viewing at 9pm UK time on Sunday will collect you 10 mins before ok hun?
  5. avatar

    Rach

    User Infostatus offline206 Kudos

    07/08/09

    Nowt out of the ordinary going on, making plans as usual, trying to keep busy at all times, meet friends, go out, keep fit, go away on holidays, try new things, just wanna keep active... you like 30 seconds to Mars so do I lol I find so many people on here that I share things in common with its unreal you know... yeah I must turn in too you know, gotto be up at 6 to get to work for 7 so I know I was just cecking in with people and seeing if there is any new news, nothing going on at the min, gonna have to find some interesting bits that are already out there and do some digging or theorising or philosophising, oh gonna try aqua aerobics this weekend (never done that before, there is always a first time)... I love Johnny in Edward Scissorhands I was obsessed with that film... the festival sounds really different, its not something I have ever been to, a film fesitval, would love to do that though it must be as interesting and diverse as a music festival... oh can you make a Tudors viewing this Sunday at 9pm UK time, have got that messenger you have just especially so I can co ordinate with you and May you see?
    Original comment »
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